


Conversations 5

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Sanders Sides [14]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 00:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20787686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: Thomas and Deceit work some things out.





	Conversations 5

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this done for a while, just needed to touch it up a bit.

He pushed himself back from his desk with a sigh, rubbing his head. He was getting a migraine from this incessant pull. It wasn’t for him, and he doubted the others could feel it. It was dim for him as well, but with his connection to Virgil it was impossible to ignore.  
“What are you waiting for, then?” He muttered, knowing exactly why Virgil hadn’t gone, the same reason he hadn’t spoken to Thomas since officially moving to the light side.  
“This is ridiculous.” He said. And it’s your fault, all of this is your fault, his mind replied. He shook it away, grabbing his hat off the stand. He snapped his fingers, the door opened, and he stepped into the living room.  
“Looking for someone?” He asked, meeting Thomas’s eyes evenly as he spun around to face him. Milo looked around himself, only half surprised that his spot was slightly higher up the stairs than Virgil’s.  
“What are you doing here?” He tried not to flinch at the tinge of fear in Thomas’s voice. He’d earned it.  
“You’re trying to get Virgil in here to talk. Good luck with that. He is not in the mood.” Milo drawled, spinning his hat on his finger before catching it, hanging it on the end of the stairs.  
“… why?” Milo scoffed at the question.  
“Why? Because there’s so very much you don’t know that we’ve all been keeping from you, and to understand any of it would take a very painful conversation. No, I wasn’t stopping anyone from telling you anything… not this time, at least. There’s just so much history it feels impossible to explain.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning back against the wall. Thomas let out a small laugh, causing Milo to quirk his eye.  
“Something funny?”  
“Just the way you act sometimes reminds me of Virgil. The pocket thing, the slouching.” Milo rolled his eyes.  
“well I did practically raise the kid, so yeah, I imagine we have a lot in common.”  
“He said… well, he said a lot of things.” Thomas replied.  
“Well, it was all true, for the most part.”  
“What are you doing here? I mean, why… switch sides? Why help them?” Milo shifted, crossing his legs.  
“Because I was trying to do right by Virgil for once. I was trying… to be better. I’ve hurt him so badly, so many times because I couldn’t see past my own desires.” He reached out and grabbed his hat, pulling it down in front of his face.  
“He was one of us-them- the Dark Sides. We were close. I did what I could to protect him from the others, he was never as aggressive as them, as loud as them, well, you’ve seen Remus, you know. I was their leader, but that didn’t mean they listened to me, they’re not exactly controllable.  
So, I sent him over, as our spy. Logan and Roman and Patton showed themselves, and I knew he’d have a better time mostly living over here, so he did. I didn’t think he’d actually leave…” He broke off, closing his eyes for a long moment, taking a breath.  
“He was never supposed to get close to you. We fought, we argued, I said things I didn’t mean, I said things to be cruel, because I was hurting too, because I knew he was right but I couldn’t accept it. So, I schemed. Long story short, in a moment of weakness Virgil came home with me and allowed me to wipe his memories of ever being a light side.  
They came to get him. He remembered. I hypnotized Roman to hurt him, to show he couldn’t trust them. That didn’t work. So then I used my power to try and corrupt one of them. But it hit Virgil instead.” He choked off again, feeling the fear wash through him, the terror of not knowing.  
“I almost destroyed him. It was my fault, I almost…” He let out a long breath, sliding to the ground, rubbing his hands across his face. “I came to check on him, once. My power almost ate him alive, then he was sick, then he was fading because he wouldn’t go in his room. I went to check on him, once, when he finally went back in. Logan punched me in the face.” He laughed a bit at that, wiping away tears.  
“I promised I wouldn’t come back until Virgil wanted to talk, if he ever wanted to talk to me again, which I wasn’t sure he would. He was terrified of me, deservedly, of course. But I lost my anger after that, my bitterness. I was just sad, just worried. But we… patched things up. Then the others had to go and get involved.” He grimaced, rubbing his wrists. “And, well, you know all of that already.”  
“I don’t get it. I mean, I get that it would be hard to talk about, but why is he afraid to tell me any of that? Why are you telling me?” Thomas asked, sitting on the step next to Milo a bit hesitantly.  
“Because he was our spy meant to tear you down and he still feels guilty about that, and he’s never told you what he really is. I’m telling you so you won’t freak on him when he does. Do not tell him I told you this. He didn’t start off Anxiety. We decided that would seem more benevolent, more caring, almost. It was something you felt all the time anyway, so it would make sense for him to show up. There’ve been enough hints, can’t you guess?” Milo asked glumly. Thomas looked puzzled before his face lit up with understanding.  
“It’s not… He’s… Paranoia?” He squeaked out. Milo nodded.  
“Don’t do that. That’s exactly what you cannot do.” Thomas looked at him, Milo looked miserable, head resting on his hands, arms crossed over his knees. He really, truly cared.  
“Do what?” Milo waved a hand.  
“Panic, squeak, treat him any differently, be afraid of him. That’s what he expects. That’s what will break him down. Knowing what he was doesn’t change who he is now. Don’t ignore that, don’t…” He trailed off, hating that he was showing this much emotion, hating that he was letting his guard down, letting his façade slip, especially in front of Thomas. His shield was cracking away by the second and it drove him insane to be this exposed, and it only ever happened for Virgil. “Don’t make him think any less of himself than he already does.” Milo finished softly. They sat in silence for a long moment, the air heavy between them.  
“He means a lot to you.” Thomas said, something in his voice probing.  
“He means everything to me. Him leaving pushed me over the edge. Almost losing him made me wake up and realize what I was doing. I was trying to help, in my own way, but I was just hurting everyone. Especially him. He’s changed so much, with all of you, but I still know him better than I know myself. For most of our lives he was basically the only other person I trusted. Before he had all of you I was his only friend. Not that I’d been much of one, for a long time, before he left.”  
“So... what about you?” Thomas asked. Milo looked up at him quizzically.  
“What about me?”  
“I don’t know, you’re Deceit, sure, but that can’t be all you do. Like, Patton is my morality, but he also handles memories and emotions. So, what else do you do?” Milo sat up a bit straighter, legs stretched out before him as he leaned back against the wall. This was familiar territory.  
“Well, think of it this way. Sure, I help you lie, but not all lies are bad. Like when you spare a friend’s feelings by saying you like something they made when it actually looks terrible. But I’m more than just little lies, think broader. Surprises, deceptions, pranks, tricks, anytime you keep something to yourself, that’s all me. Anytime you withhold information you know from someone else. It’s not all bad. None of us are truly all bad, really, or we wouldn’t exist.” Milo watched Thomas think, taking this all in. He could see a small smile start to spread across his face.  
“So the others…” He trailed off expectantly.  
“Honestly, do I have to do all the thinking for you? Remus is easy, he’s an offshoot of creativity, rather… destructive and loud, sure. But he’s where concepts for horror, scares, spooky stuff comes from. Wrath, sure, anger and spite and all that. But he makes you stand up for yourself when you know you’re not being treated fairly, he’s where your sense of justice comes from. Patton handles morals, which is what is theoretically right and wrong, wrath is action. Wrath is seeing someone else be mistreated and then you stepping in to help because of him. Envy is a bit tricky. Wanting something someone else has can lead to problems, but it also pushes you to work harder to try and attain that thing for yourself. It’s part of your motivation.” He finished.  
“Despair?” Thomas asked, and Milo’s eyes flashed.  
“He I will never defend, not after what he did. He was willing to drive you insane for his own purposes, and that is a line none of us have any right to cross.” He snarled, pushing to his feet and pacing away across the room.  
He knew exactly how far Despair had been willing to go. Virgil had told him what had happened during his confrontation. He was going to let Virgil be utterly destroyed in the Unconscious, he was willing to chain him up and sap him dry like a battery until he wasted away.  
“It’s my fault. If I hadn’t been so horrible to Virgil in the first place none of this would have happened. If I’d kept them on a tighter leash this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t gotten them all together as a team none of this would have happened. If I hadn’t let down my guard- “He sucked in a breath, seeing Virgil lying motionless on the ground, so pale and broken looking. That gaping emptiness in his senses, in his soul, that usually resonated with Virgil’s power, that would lead him wherever Virgil was, that let him know he was safe, now completely untethered. It felt deafening, almost, or like all the colors in the world had been muted and toned to grays. Tunnel vision, that’s what it had been.  
He flinched at the hand on his shoulder, that snapped him out of his memories, back into the living room. Thomas was looking at him, concern on his face. He let out a long, shaky breath.  
“I didn’t know if you could bring him back. I didn’t doubt you would try, but I didn’t know if you could. I…” He broke off, his mind filling in the blanks.  
I hurt you, I hurt all of them, I hurt Virgil the most, constantly, for years, because of my own jealousy and anger, I’m the reason any of this happened, I’m the reason the others were empowered enough for this to happen. It’s my fault we almost lost him, it’s my fault we almost lost all of them, it’s my fault he went to face them alone, it’s my fault I couldn’t protect him. That’s the only job I had and I couldn’t protect him.  
“I should go.” He made to step away, but Thomas tightened his grip on his shoulder, turning him to face him.  
“You have to let some of that go. You can’t keep blaming yourself for all of it. You only control your actions, not theirs. I know you were trying to protect me, in your own way. And I know you’ve been trying harder for all of them recently. So, don’t let yourself get bogged down in guilt. Because sooner or later it seems like they all would have shown up anyway, if you hadn’t gathered them all together, it seems to me Despair would have eventually. Virgil made the choice to go alone. But you brought him back to us. Remember that, ok?” Thomas said gently, stepping away.  
He didn’t know what to say. Thomas made it sound so easy to just let it all float away. But… he was right. He couldn’t go on like this, he needed to try, to just try, and not let it all burrow under his skin.  
“ok.” He whispered, not trusting his voice. He gave Thomas one last, long, look, unsure what he was looking for, before vanishing. He had someone else he needed to talk to now.


End file.
